Tough Love

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE

TV AND HEAR THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans:

As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has

been completed. Since congress does not want to

spend any more money on this war,

our mission in Iraq is now complete. This morning I

gave the order for a complete removal of all American

forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within

30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning. Before me,

I have two lists. One list contains the names of

countries which have stood by our side during the

Iraq conflict. This list is short.The United Kingdom,

Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the

countries listed there. The other list contains

everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's

nations are on that list. My press secretary will be

distributing copies of both lists later this evening. Let me

start by saying that effective immediately,

foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately

and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year

alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money

into third world Hell-holes and watch those government

leaders grow fat on corruption.Need help with a famine?

Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. In the future,

together with Congress, I will work to redirect this

money toward solving the vexing social problems we

still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist

organizations. Mess with us and we will hunt you

down and eliminate you and all your friends from the

face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to

terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys.

Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David

is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations.

They have some great palaces there.

Big tables, too. I am ordering the immediate severing

of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia.

Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from

NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to

begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located

in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets

to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded

and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty

pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of

unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch

your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned

over to some of the finest chop shops in the world.

I love New York. A special note to our neighbors.

Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing

a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try

treating us decently for a change. Mexico is also

on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt

government really need an attitude adjustment.

I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions

sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em?

Yep, border security.

So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States

is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way

highway. It is time for America to focus on its own

welfare and its own citizens.

Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them

by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent

life around the world has only earned us the undying

enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is

time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate

homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup

Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought.

Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher.

If you are reading it in English, thank the US military.